more complaining...

so i'm not one that really likes to complain about my situation to others because one: i do realize i could have it way way way worse and despite how bad this deployment sucks i feel so lucky that he is just on a ship, two: i just feel like people don't want to hear me whine about how hard of a time i am having which leads me to three: i just don't feel like people could honestly understand what i am going through. yes, i do have some awesome amazing friends and family who are there for me, but i don't think unless they have ever gone through a deployment that they could really know what i am going through, and four: i just feel like if i really start talking about how i'm feeling to people i will start crying and i just don't feel like breaking down in front of others. i really do feel as though i've done a good job of leading people to believe that i'm doing good, and i'm totally and completely fine, or perhaps not, i dunno, but honestly right now i just feel as though i'm about to have a HUGE breakdown! i've already made it two months into this deployment and i know that is a huge thing, but that still means i have five more months until i am back with rey and that just seems way too long! plus, add in the fact that i haven't talked to rey on the phone and gotten to really hear his voice in over a month. yes, i do get to talk to him on facebook a few times a week, but this also depends on if the computers on the ship and facebook decide to work. as of right now it's been a week since they have cooperated and it's really starting to wear on me! even if we do get to chat it's only for twenty minutes since there are only five computers and so many people that want to use them and when you have so much you want to share that really isn't enough time. plus, add in the stupid things in life like me working or sleeping when he gets on to just make things even more difficult and annoying.. because obviously on my days off those are the days that he isn't able to get on.. i'm just so frustrated at the moment and the one thing that could possibly make me feel better wont happen! i just want my husband back.. and at the very least for the stupid phones or computers to work.. but of course i can't be that lucky! i guess for now i will just have to keep praying for the strength to make it through this, because right now i'm really feeling discouraged! ugh! i hate this!!
peace in the middle east peoples!