it hit, and it hit HARD!

goodbyes are never easy, especially when it happens to be your bestest friend who you love more than anybody or anything! the night that i had to say goodbye to rey was probably one of the hardest nights of my life! i know that he hates to see me sad and cry so i did my very best to hold it all back, but since i am in fact a huge baby i couldn't help but shed a few tears as we gave each other one last hug and kiss. plus, the whole car ride back from the hotel was me just bawling, luckily he wasn't there to see me, especially when i gave him one last glance through my rear view mirror. in the end as i pulled into the hotel parking lot i of course did my best to compose myself since i am not the type that likes to look weak and of course i didn't want my mom to see me cry. the next day i made the long car ride back to utah! although, my mind was pretty much on rey the whole entire time so it went pretty fast since i really wasn't paying all that much attention to the road.. which probably isn't the best thing, but at least i made it here safe and sound!! that night i got one last phone call from rey for who knows how long..

the next day, and pretty much the first real day of the deployment went pretty well. i spent the whole day unpacking and doing my best to get my room ready until my parents got back from the temple and we went out to dinner. after dinner i went over to my friend amanda's to cook smores with her and mikaele. it was such an awesome distraction and a pretty good night to help take my mind off the pain of not having rey here and the upcoming seven months. i already know from the last deployment that the best thing to do was keep busy, and this just made it all sink in even more!

 well, after the day i had yesterday i figured i could really do this and this deployment would be so much easier than last time, but today it truly did hit me. while at church pretty much every single person asked me how long i was staying, and where rey was, and when i'd get to talk to him, and of course they would all ask how am i doing. i truly do hate that question because i honestly don't think they want to hear that i'm doing horrible and this is one of the hardest things to deal with, but most people will just get the same old 'doing good, hanging in there' response except for a few close friends and family who i feel may understand what i'm going through. i know many people experience long distance relationships and other such things, but i truly don't think anybody except for another military wife can truly understand what i am going through. basically the whole time while i was at church i was doing my best to not just break down and cry! to make matters worse i came home to see all the other pictures fellow marine wives had taken, particularly the ones of the ship leaving since i wasn't able to go and watch. i hate knowing that i wasn't able to see him go off since that truly is a once in a lifetime experience. in the end today has just been a horrible day of me doing my best to try and remind myself that i can do this and that in the end that first hug and kiss from rey when he gets back will make it all worth it.

well, i think that's all i have to say for now.. i added a few pictures... oh and sorry for being such a downer.. i just felt like i needed to get it all out!

my cute lil husband before he left!

one of our very last hugs!

my naldo on the ship sailing away!

one big roller coaster!

so, today rey was supposed to deploy and i was totally and completely ready for it. yesterday morning me, my mom and chloe drove rey to horno and said our goodbyes just in case he didn't get libbo from the boat. although, rey was pretty confident he would so it wasn't all that hard to say goodbye. after getting a few things done franny and i drove to san diego and got settled in and waited for rey to get off. well, as i was waiting i checked my e-mail and got a certain e-mail stating that rey's deployment is now postponed for a few more days! yes, it was amazing news, but when you have finally come to terms with something as crazy and difficult as a deployment it can definitely cause some crazy feelings. i of course wanted to stay longer but my mom has to be to work at the temple on saturday and has to be there so no matter what i could only stay for one more day. like me, rey had some mixed feelings about it as well because he was worried about me paying for another night and he had also finally gotten his mind on deployment and then for it to suddenly be changed he wasn't all that happy. in the end we are making the most of it and are planning on having an amazing day when he gets off. we have ONE more day together and i plan on taking full advantage of it!

 so, i'm not the only one feeling the effects of it! i think chloe knows something is up and is having a really hard time. the two nights before rey left chloe snuggled up against him at night and didn't move! she's also been super clingy because i think she keeps getting worried that she is going to be left behind. yesterday before we left to san diego franny and i did a tiny bit of cleaning, more or less just throwing stuff out before i turned in my old apartment keys and chloe sat in the corner looking super sad and when we are leaving it took me calling her name a few times before she finally stood up and followed us. i think she is really sad to leave her home and not see her daddy very much anymore! plus, i think sleeping in two different hotel rooms has kinda wigged her out as well! well, i think that's it! hopefully rey gets off soon so we can spend one more good day together!

back to work

blah! rey has officially gone back to work which obviously means pre-deployment leave is over, which also means it's almost deployment time! yeah, not too happy about that! i'm finally getting to the point where it does feel like rey is going to leave very very soon, but as i mentioned before i am going to do everything in my power to not let that get to me and ruin what little time rey and i have left!

 so, these past eleven days have seriously been amazing! i honestly couldn't have asked for a better eleven days! okay, so maybe i could have done without the packing up of our apartment, but even though a lot of it was spent doing that, the fact that i was with rey and it was just me and him together made it amazing! i really couldn't ask for a better husband and best friend! as i mentioned, a lot of our time was spent packing, but we did have fun taking chloe on walks at the beach, swimming, hot tubbing, price is righting it up, celebrating our future 1st anniversary at the melting pot, and of course, my personal favorite, disneyland!!

me at the melting pot for our anniversary!

 

my shirt for the price is right!

rey and i after we survived the madderhorn at disneyland!

us playing around in line!

rey and i on the tram at disney!

alright! well, i think that's it for now! hopefully this next week or so goes by super slow so i can cherish the little time that rey and i have left! the only thing keeping me going at this point is knowing that in a year and five months rey will be out of the marine corps and he shall be all mine! anyways.. that's all for now!

Pre-Deployment

Wow, I seriously can't believe how fast this year has gone by! It seriously feels like Rey and I just got married the other day and it really did feel as if we had forever until he deployed! Now, here we are only a few weeks away from deployment number two! I have read about going through different stages when one goes through the whole process of a deployment and right now I think I am in denial. Honestly it feels like Rey and I are just going to be together for forever and he isn't going to leave. Although, I am now starting to believe that maybe this is because at this point in time I really can't imagine my life without having him around for seven whole months! I really just don't know why, but we are less than two weeks from a deployment and it still doesn't feel like he is going to leave. Then again, as the deployment kept getting closer and closer I told myself not to concentrate on it and just take in every single moment together so I wouldn't regret anything when he was gone. All week we have planned to pack up our apartment and put things in storage but each and every day we put it off. A big part of me thinks it is because deep down we just don't want to move out of our first apartment together, but obviously it needs to get done so I really do wish I could just make myself realize how soon he is leaving and just do it, but I guess it is kind of nice living in this little fantasy world where we can just concentrate on being together and not taking any moment for granted. I'm pretty sure the next stage is where you pull away from each other because you know what is about to happen and you do it to protect yourself, but I really just don't want that to happen! Basically what I want is for this deployment not to happen.. but since that isn't going to happen I really don't know what I want. Well, that is my feelings for the time being.. I guess we shall see how things go in the next two to three weeks!