just a lil update!

not really much to report on, but figured i would write an update! so, i can't say it enough, but i am so in love with my little boy! it's amazing how much love you can feel for a child, but everyday i love him more and more. after hearing the horrible news of that movie theatre shooting and hearing about the 3 month old being injured i couldn't help but hold seeley a little closer today and give him loads of kisses. sure, he's been a major grump today, but that's not stopping me from loving on him! ha!

so being a mommy is really the bestest job ever! yes, it's amazing tiring and time consuming and your whole entire life revolves around taking care of them, but it's so worth it and i love the bond that seeley and i have. he's gotten to the point that if someone else is holding him and he hears my voice he immediately perks up and looks for me. the best is in the morning when he wakes up and i hear him stirring around and i get up as soon as he sees my face his whole entire face lights up and he has the biggest smile! even if i'm beyond tired i don't care because i get to go and snuggle him and take care of him. these days seeley has a good day, where pretty much all day he's just the smiliest and happiest baby, and then the next day he's good until about 4-5 pm and then he becomes a major grump (today being his grump day). i think he just gets a major buildup of gas and he looks like he is in major pain until he gets that gas and poop out! i never in my life thought i'd be happy to hear someone fart and poop! it's crazy! speaking of crazy, i can't believe how much he has changed in six weeks! he's so alert now and loves looking at things and reaches out and grabs things and smiles so much! he loves looking at people and smiling and will talk to you! it really is the cutest thing! i know he's only 7 weeks old, but he really is getting old so quick! i swear each day he gets bigger and grows over night! i weighed him at the beginning of this past week and he weighed 9.5 pounds! plus, he's now almost growing out of his newborn clothes! when he was born he didn't fit in preemie clothes since he was too long, but his newborn clothes were too big but he wore them anyway! now he's almost in the middle because his 0-3 month clothes are too big and his newborn clothes are getting tight, especially his night sleepers which are adorably cute and it's making me so sad! one of my favorite sleepers is so dang cute and it was the first sleeper we put him in and he's almost out of it, makes me want to tear up a little bit!

well, that's pretty much it! plus, seeley looks like he's about to wake up from a nap so i'm out!

crazy times!

well, here it is 4:30 in the morning and i'm wide awake! not only that, seeley's busy sleeping away in his pack n play next to me! his crazy hours are really messing with me! every day his hours change, yes, they are getting better, but still they are constantly changing! yesterday he was awake after this many hours so i think on instinct my body just woke up, but he's still busy just sleeping away and i'm wide awake! including today, he's been sleeping pretty good the past three nights and i'm hoping it stays this way! before, he went to bed at 10, woke up at 2, was up for 4 hours then back to bed for around 6. well, the past three nights he's gone to bed around 10-11ish and then pretty much sleeping through the night. well, the day before he went to bed at 10, woke up at 4:30 to feed, then was back in bed by five and slept till 10. it definitely felt nice to have a long night's sleep! the only problem is, i'm not a deep sleeper, especially not while having seeley sleep near me! i wake up at every little sound, and if i wake up on my own i get paranoid and have to check and make sure he's still breathing if i'm not hearing any sounds! plus, i'm having those typical post pregnancy night sweats and boy is it gross to wake up randomly and be completely covered in sweat! i know this is probably tmi, but when i woke up tonight my pillow was literally drenched in sweat and was super wet that i had switch pillows. i'm not sure why, but i swear nobody tells you this stuff about having babies, but there are a lot of non fun aftermath stuff when it comes to having babies. in the end though, it's all worth it to be a mom to such a cute and precious little baby. when i woke up a few moments ago, i was actually pretty sad he's not up because i just want to snuggle and hold him! he seriously is such a sweet baby and i'm so lucky to be his mom! really, the only times he cries is when he gets gas and other than that he's a pretty happy baby. it's especially fun now because he is really starting to smile and coo a lot! yesterday it was pretty adorable at one point because franny was watching him while i showered and when i came back he was just sitting there chilling with her, and then she handed him to me and as soon as he saw me and heard my voice his face just lit up and he started to "talk" and coo! it's moments like that that make all the hard times so worth it! i seriously love being this little guy's mom and i love seeing him grow! every day he changes and does more and i can see all the new things that he's learned and how he does more and becomes more alert and it's becoming funner and funner! not that i didn't love him or anything, but i've never exactly been a fan of the newborn stage, so him becoming more alert and interacting with me is so much fun! anywho! i'm going to try and go back to bed so wish me luck on getting a few more hours of sleep!

so in love!

i am so in love with this little boy of mine! it is crazy how much you can love someone that really you just met! plus, every single day i just marvel at how much i love him, and then the next day i swear that that love has increased. the thing i find funniest is when he's wide awake in the middle of the night i can't wait for him to fall asleep so i myself can catch a couple of z's.. and then as soon as i put him down i miss him! he sleeps in his pack n' play next to my bed, and even though he's pretty much right next to me i miss him and can't wait to hold and snuggle him again. i'll admit, those first two weeks were probably the roughest and most hardest days of my life, but every single second of it was so worth it! however i'm definitely liking being a mom much more these days! i'm not sure if it was because the 3 week mark is when i took a week off from visitors, or if it was the fact that my hormones finally decided to settle down, or if it was just me getting the hang of things but that third week everything just seemed to be so much easier and i started to figure out what his different cries meant and what he wanted when he wanted. plus, i finally started to get into a good rhythm with breastfeeding. i'm not sure if i was just ignoring this, or if really nobody had ever told me, but breastfeeding is freaking hard! it's not just some simple thing and it's very time consuming.. especially when you are feeding the baby every 1-2 hours. after like 2 days i was totally ready to give up, but everyone kept telling me it gets easier and even though those first two weeks sucked it really did get easier by week 3. from what i hear everyone says it really becomes second nature and a piece of cake by week 6 and that you will really start to enjoy it then, so as of right now i'm just waiting for that week 6, even though right now i'm really starting to not mind it! anywho! seeley is sleeping so i better try and catch some sleep before his next feeding!

mommyhood

since i think i've finally caught up on some sleep i figured i would update my blog. as pretty much everyone knows i gave birth to the sweetest little boy ever! on june 2nd, my due date, i felt the same as always.. no contractions.. seeley was still hanging out up high in my ribs, and i just felt normal. rey's uncle is moving to texas so he invited us over that day for a bbq! it was a nice relaxing day and we sat outside talking and eating yummy food! they made some really good salsa's and i tried one bite of the really hot one and rey seems to think that is the reason i went into labor that night. anywho! we came back from the bbq, and rey's grandma was with us and we stayed up talking until rey went to work. then i went to bed, but as usual i couldn't sleep. chloe was with me and she fell asleep on rey's side of the bed so i moved over to snuggle her. not too long after, around 1:50 am i felt something weird, almost thick, coming out of me so i stood up because i wanted to go to the bathroom to see what it was. as soon as i sat up i felt a HUGE gush fall out of me! like i said, the funny thing was, i was on rey's side of the bed. i went to the bathroom and sat down on the toilet and yet another gush fell out. after i let it empty a little bit i went and texted rey that i thought my water had broken. luckily i had bought a bunch of pads earlier that day because i was constantly leaking! i then tried to call rey, but he wasn't answering so i pretty much spent the next twenty minutes running around trying to get everything together that i would need at the hospital. i was about to call the front desk at rey's work to tell them to have him call me, but right as i was looking up the number he called me back and said he would be leaving right then. i then went and informed franny and dave what was happening and told franny i'd let her know when it got closer to me delivering since i of course wanted her there to help me!

rey got home in like twenty minutes and we made our way out the door and to the hospital! they checked me into a room and checked to see if my water had in fact broke, which it obviously had! seriously i hope my water never breaks on its own again! about every two minutes it feels like you are peeing yourself! plus, when i laid in the bed i had to lay on this pad to soak it all up and i just felt like i was laying in water until i got my epidural, but we'll get to that later! they checked to see if i was dilated and found out that i was 2 cm! they told me i could either just lay there and and rest or walk for an hour to try and get things progressing. i decided to walk around and rey and i spent the next hour walking around labor and delivery before heading back to the room to try and sleep. let me tell you, despite being exhausted it is almost impossible to sleep when every thirty minutes the nurses are coming in and out of your room to check on you! plus, the stupid night nurses messed up my arms trying to get iv's in, even after i told them i have bad veins and it would be better to just do it in my hand, but they insisted they could do it. after trying a few times they decided to let the morning nurse try and do it.

by the time morning came around i hadn't progressed too much and wasn't feeling my contractions at all so they put me on pitocin to try and start labor.. so at 7:00 a.m. is when they started it and said that was when my active labor started! the nurse also told me that i could get my epidural now if i wanted, but i decided to wait since i wanted to see what a contraction really felt like and wanted to see how far i could get. with the pitocin they start you off slow, and she said most people end up with doses of 20, but every time they tried to move it up, seeley's heart rate would either go up, or down too low so they'd stop it, or leave it at 1 for like a half hour before turning it off. the other thing that i had going on, was i was dilating, but seeley was still high up and not dropping, so to encourage him to drop i had to lay on my side and switch sides every thirty minutes. so around 2, i really started to feel those contractions and they were freaking painful! i decided that i was definitely ready for that epidural! i'm glad i asked when i did, because when the guy came in to do it my contractions started to get even worse. i give props to those ladies that give birth naturally because that was no fun! so the epidural was pretty crazy because as you know, it makes you numb from the waist down and it's so weird to not feel your legs! i felt bad for my nurse, because when it came time to switch sides i literally couldn't move and she pretty much had to lift me up and move me all around.

well, around five i got checked and i was at 9 cm so i called franny to let her know that she should probably come down now! at six, my body was technically ready to push, but seeley was still high up so they wanted me to wait an hour to try and get him to move down. well, at 7, he had moved down, but guess what? seeley had turned head up, which is not good so i had to move side to side again to get him to go face down! so 8 rolls around and it's time to push, so i do a couple of those and seeley's heart rate totally sky rocketed so they decided to call the doctor in case something went wrong and i needed a c-section. so he gets there at 8:30 and they have me push and seeley was doing just fine. the nurse basically said that most first time mom's will push anywhere between an hour to four hours depending on how good of pusher's they are. well let me tell you! i was freaking exhausted since i hadn't slept since the night before, hadn't had any food or water, only freaking ice chips, and pushing is hard! the idea of pushing for four hours scared the crap out of me so i pushed as freaking hard as i could every single time! at 9:30 they called in the doctor and told me that he would probably be out in the next half hour and maybe after a push or two! well at 9:44 seeley rey lucero was born! when i pushed him out and i looked over at him i seriously couldn't believe how insanely happy i was and how much i already loved that little guy! they then put him on my chest for a minute and i couldn't help but tear up a little bit! he then went off to be cleaned and weighed! seeley weighed 6 lbs and .08 ounces and was 20 inches long.. so basically he was a long skinny dude! he was such a sweet baby and had his eyes open the entire time and didn't cry at all! after about an hour they had everyone leave so i could try and breast feed him before he went off to the nursery. after breastfeeding him and rey went off to the nursery! it's funny how fast you can fall in love with someone because as soon as he left the room i was so sad and missed him already.

so that's the story of seeley's birth! being a mommy has been awesome, and very very tiring! during seeley's first week of life i maybe had gotten 8 hours of sleep.. not to mention my body had gone through one of the most grueling things ever! plus, it's pretty messed up that while you're trying to figure everything out and tired your hormones are raging! yep, that was one rough week but i have my seeley now and it was all worth it if it means i get to be his mommy!

me and seeley after he was born!

                                                        shortly after he was born!

                                                 daddy and seeley! he is such a good dad!

                                                       seeley on his way home!

                                                      sweet little man chillaxing!

                                                     seeley getting his sleep on!

ready and slightly overwhelmed!

i'm so stinkin ready to get this show on the road! as fun as it has been to have seeley inside of me and get to feel him move and get bigger, i'm so ready for him to be out and to hold him and give him lots of loves and kisses! of all my friends due around the same time they have all popped and i'm the only one left! even my doctor at my last appointment made a comment about how i'm his his patient with the next due date and to not let anyone pass me, but at this point i'm pretty sure people will! seeley loves to be up high and hang out in my ribs! it's funny, because anytime someone makes a comment about it looks like he's dropped down some i'll tell them to wait a few minutes and not too long after he'll come right back up! sometimes he gets so high up that i'll have to somewhat push him down so i can breathe! i feel lucky that i'm pretty much all belly and haven't puffed up super huge, but it's getting to the point where it is really uncomfortable. i'm now one of those people that when i stand up or sit down i'm pretty much grunting and it takes me a few extra seconds. like i said though, he's still super high up and i'm really getting kind of depressed because i feel like he's going to be late. my doctor has been checking me each week since 36 weeks to see if i'm dilated at all, and last week i was barely half a cm, and this past week he said i'm maybe a cm dilated. i know that being dilated really doesn't mean all that much since some women can walk around 3-4 cm dilated for a couple of weeks with nothing happening and women can be not dilated at all and then go into labor that night, but every time after he checks my doctor makes a comment about how if i go into labor anytime soon it's probably going to be a long one. plus, as i said before my doctor even made a comment about how high his head was up. he said he's head down which is good, but he said whenever he went to feel his head instead of going down towards my cervix like it should it kind of pops up and said something along the lines of hopefully it goes down lower. i dunno, just kind of stressing me out and annoying me since i'm just ready for him to be here! 

on top of all of that, i'm starting to get a bit overwhelmed in general! from what i've been seeing and reading most people want to come home to a house that is quiet and don't want too many visitors so they can bond with the baby and come up with a schedule, but i'm really starting to freak out because it feels like my life is going to be extremely hectic once he gets here. rey's grandma is in town which i'm excited about but at the same time leaves me somewhat worried especially since on june 10th my family is having a big family reunion and everyone is staying at my parents house.. so it's going to be loud, and noisy, and obviously everyone is going to want to see seeley so i just feel like i'm not really going to get any good alone time with my little guy! it feels like no matter what there is going to be tons of people around and ahhh! it's seriously stressing me out! plus, i hear the first few weeks take a lot of adjusting to and you're uncomfortable for a lot of obvious reasons and the last thing i want is to have all these people around with all this going on. i mean, we do have our own little place in the basement but you can still hear things down there and i'm probably going to look like an antisocial hermit. plus, i keep feeling like the way my doctor talks about seeley's head not going down, and with me feeling like he's going to come late i feel like i'm probably going to have to be induced and it seems like i could possible need a c-section and that recovery is obviously super painful and ahhh! once again it just stresses me out to no end! i really feel like i'm going to be giving birth right as the reunion starts and i really don't want to bring a brand new newborn home to be around a TON of people and a really noisy enviroment which is part of the reason why him not coming is stressing me out a little since it'd be nice to maybe get a little routine going, but it's not looking or feeling this way! anywho! that's it for now!

so close..

i'm so close to seeley getting here and i'm starting to get super anxious!! seriously though, i'm due in 2 and a half weeks! how crazy is that? it seems like just the other day i found out and was super paranoid about every little thing, and now here i am in the final stretch! i still think the little guy is going to come late which is kind of lame, but since doctor's wont let you go past 42 weeks that means he should be here in no more than 4 weeks! i'm still guessing either june 5th or june 10th! the sooner the better though since my family is coming in town on june 10th for a family reunion and that just seems like a pain! oh well! he will get here when he is ready! plus, i feel like i could be a lot more uncomfortable. as of right now the only real annoying thing is my lack of sleep. i'm seriously up most of the night tossing and turning and when i do finally fall asleep i'm back up in a half hour to go pee! no fun! i know once seeley gets here i'm not going to be able to get much sleep then either, but i'd much rather be up taking care of my little guy than due to being uncomfortable, plus i'm really looking forward to the day when i can sleep on my stomach again.

so let's see, i'm now taking time off of work which is nice. i seriously have no idea how i was doing it before because i've been relaxing a lot and i'm still just constantly exhausted! plus, i've been trying out a bunch of recipes this week to try and find quick, yummy, and easy meals to make once the baby gets here and it's been so nice to once again feel like i'm taking care of rey! as i've mentioned in other posts when i was working i'd save up all my energy for work, and once i got home all i wanted to do was sleep or relax on the couch! so now that i don't have to save up all that energy i have energy to do stuff like cook, clean, and get things ready for seeley! i still have quite a few things i need to get done before he gets here, so it's probably a good thing that seeley is probably going to come late, but for the most part his room is almost all the way put together which is nice, and i have most things that i'll need when he gets here. actually, the things i'm still planning on buying aren't necessarily needed, just wanted to make things a little easier.

well, i think that is all that is going on around here! just chillaxing and getting stuff ready for the baby!

my lameo hospital visit

i've had a few people text me to ask how i was after my facebook post about being in the hospital on thursday so i figured i'd blog about my very unfun hospital visit. well, that morning i woke up with a weird pain in my back. it actually wasn't bad at that point and i thought i had just slept on it wrong. with a few more minutes of trying to get comfortable i realized it wasn't that and thought maybe i had to go to the bathroom.. ha! well, after my bathroom visit i realized that wasn't the case and laid back down. at this point it was getting super bad and for the life of me could not get in a comfortable position. i ended up waking up rey and told him there was something wrong with my back. i've obviously had some major back issues this pregnancy, but this was a different kind of pain and in a whole different spot. rey even offered to rub my back but the second he touched it i flinched and had to pull away since that area was super sensitive. after trying to get comfortable for a few more minutes i decided to call my doctor because i knew something was wrong. i talked to his nurse and told him my pain level was to a six and it was super uncomfortable. she then asked if i had felt the baby move that morning and i said no, but my mind had been more concentrated on the pain since i had woken up. she told me to drink some sugary juice and do a kick count and that i should be feeling up to ten kicks an hour and that she'd check up on me after she consulted with my doctor. so after i hung up i drank some lemonade and things just got worse. i couldn't sit, stand, walk, lay down and my pain level was going up! plus, i was supposed to be counting kicks and i had only felt three, but like i said, i was in some major pain and was pretty much just crying as i tried to find a comfortable position for my body to be in! i ended up drinking like 3 glasses of juice in hopes of feeling the movements, but the pain made me so sick that i ended up throwing it all up.

well, about a half hour later the nurse called and i told her things had gotten worse and that i had thrown up. she put me on hold to talk to doctor tanner and when she came back on she told me to go to labor and delivery, which to me was pretty scary to hear! it also made me realize how much i've procrastinated and how i really need to get my hospital bag ready in case of an emergency like this one. well, rey and i hopped into the car and off to jordan valley hospital we went! jordan valley is like a half hour away from my house and that was seriously one of the longest car rides ever! so stinkin uncomfortable! well, we got there and they put us into a room right away. now i warn you, i'm going to be talking about pee a lot at this point, so if that grosses you out i suggest you stop reading! anywho! they had me change into a gown and then wanted a urine sample. well, when i went to the bathroom hardly anything came out. the nurse then set me up in the bed and probably the only nice thing was that they had something hooked up to my belly to hear the baby's heartbeat and i got to hear his little heartbeat all day. they then needed to hook me up to an iv and that was freaking painful! my veins suck, and i was dehydrated so i got stuck not once, but twice in the freaking hand and that my friends is painful! actually, while they were hooking up my iv i started to pass out. it's kind of funny because as i was passing out i remember thinking this is nice! all the pain was going away and it felt like i was drifting off to sleep! well, that didn't last long because they had me roll over to my side and it brought me back! haha! they then told me it would be about a half hour until the results of all my testing came back and they'd be back to check on me then. well, things went way downhill from then because i was in so much pain and was basically just crying in the bed! on a scale from one to ten my pain was probably at a 9, possibly even a 10 at times. eventually i called the nurse to ask if i could stand up just to see if that was more comfortable. kind of pissed me off because i even had to wait about 10 minutes before she came in to help me up. honestly it didn't do much, but i'd gone through about half of the iv bag so she had me go to the bathroom and they put a little bucket in to measure my pee again, and once again hardly anything came out.

at this point i think they could tell i was in pain so they gave me some morphine. that took my pain from the 9 down to like a 4. so i was still in pain, but at that point i was happy. it was kind of annoying since it made me super sleepy, but i was still in pain so i couldn't get myself to fall asleep. then the real fun started since they decided to put a catheter in me to measure how much urine i was producing in an hour. not one of my proudest moments in life, but i figure when i have the baby it will be worse so i should just get used to it. after a bit they had an ultrasound lady come in and she looked at my kidneys, and holy crap that was painful on my side that was hurting! plus, i had to take deep breaths while she did it and it hurt super bad to take in deep breaths. she even did something of my bladder and it had been about 45 minutes since i last went pee and she couldn't see my bladder at all, despite the fact that i'd just gone through a full iv bag. which now that i'm thinking on it, i think this was the reason i got the catheter, so just switch that around cuz i'm too lazy! ha!

basically, i was producing hardly any urine and they said i was making like 30 something, when i should be making 50 something. they said a really dehydrated person not drinking anything would probably produce 30, and here i was with these iv bags pumping me with stuff! basically just a bunch of testing and nobody had any idea as to what was wrong with me. and poor rey, since we left in a hurry we didn't bring anything to keep him occupied and about halfway through the visit his phone was dead, but he was a trooper and a really good support for me. at least he got to eat though, he went down to the cafeteria and got himself some grub, but i was only allowed to drink clear liquids. although, around 7:30 they said my doctor cleared me to eat something so i got really excited, and you know what they brought me? like 6 little packs of saltine crackers! i hadn't eaten anything all day so at that point i just took it and was grateful. however, my pain was once again starting to come back, and made it's way up to about a 7 or 8. the nurse said that he wanted to try and have me take some oral medication and so they gave me some percaset or however it's spelled and let me tell you, that was amazing!! within ten minutes i felt no pain whatsoever. not only did i not feel my back pain, but every single pregnancy ache and pain was gone.. i felt normal again! finally at about 9:45 the nurse said that since the medicine was working and i had produced a little more urine that was good to go, but if it came back really bad to go back to labor and delivery, and if it was just kind of bad to go to doctor tanner's office and he could give me a prescription and just to drink lots of water. they really had no answers as to what was wrong with me since all tests came up inconclusive, but their guess was maybe that i had passed a small kidney stone. so who knows! i do know that all that water that they pumped into me came out that night since every half hour i was up that night going to the bathroom!

now, i'm just drinking tons and tons of water in hopes that whatever that was doesn't happen again. i do get freaked out occasionally since every so often i can feel my kidney start to ache again, but luckily nothing like the other day so i'm just hoping it stays like that because i do not want to go through that again! well, that's my update and i hope it didn't gross you out too much!