ready and slightly overwhelmed!

i'm so stinkin ready to get this show on the road! as fun as it has been to have seeley inside of me and get to feel him move and get bigger, i'm so ready for him to be out and to hold him and give him lots of loves and kisses! of all my friends due around the same time they have all popped and i'm the only one left! even my doctor at my last appointment made a comment about how i'm his his patient with the next due date and to not let anyone pass me, but at this point i'm pretty sure people will! seeley loves to be up high and hang out in my ribs! it's funny, because anytime someone makes a comment about it looks like he's dropped down some i'll tell them to wait a few minutes and not too long after he'll come right back up! sometimes he gets so high up that i'll have to somewhat push him down so i can breathe! i feel lucky that i'm pretty much all belly and haven't puffed up super huge, but it's getting to the point where it is really uncomfortable. i'm now one of those people that when i stand up or sit down i'm pretty much grunting and it takes me a few extra seconds. like i said though, he's still super high up and i'm really getting kind of depressed because i feel like he's going to be late. my doctor has been checking me each week since 36 weeks to see if i'm dilated at all, and last week i was barely half a cm, and this past week he said i'm maybe a cm dilated. i know that being dilated really doesn't mean all that much since some women can walk around 3-4 cm dilated for a couple of weeks with nothing happening and women can be not dilated at all and then go into labor that night, but every time after he checks my doctor makes a comment about how if i go into labor anytime soon it's probably going to be a long one. plus, as i said before my doctor even made a comment about how high his head was up. he said he's head down which is good, but he said whenever he went to feel his head instead of going down towards my cervix like it should it kind of pops up and said something along the lines of hopefully it goes down lower. i dunno, just kind of stressing me out and annoying me since i'm just ready for him to be here! 

on top of all of that, i'm starting to get a bit overwhelmed in general! from what i've been seeing and reading most people want to come home to a house that is quiet and don't want too many visitors so they can bond with the baby and come up with a schedule, but i'm really starting to freak out because it feels like my life is going to be extremely hectic once he gets here. rey's grandma is in town which i'm excited about but at the same time leaves me somewhat worried especially since on june 10th my family is having a big family reunion and everyone is staying at my parents house.. so it's going to be loud, and noisy, and obviously everyone is going to want to see seeley so i just feel like i'm not really going to get any good alone time with my little guy! it feels like no matter what there is going to be tons of people around and ahhh! it's seriously stressing me out! plus, i hear the first few weeks take a lot of adjusting to and you're uncomfortable for a lot of obvious reasons and the last thing i want is to have all these people around with all this going on. i mean, we do have our own little place in the basement but you can still hear things down there and i'm probably going to look like an antisocial hermit. plus, i keep feeling like the way my doctor talks about seeley's head not going down, and with me feeling like he's going to come late i feel like i'm probably going to have to be induced and it seems like i could possible need a c-section and that recovery is obviously super painful and ahhh! once again it just stresses me out to no end! i really feel like i'm going to be giving birth right as the reunion starts and i really don't want to bring a brand new newborn home to be around a TON of people and a really noisy enviroment which is part of the reason why him not coming is stressing me out a little since it'd be nice to maybe get a little routine going, but it's not looking or feeling this way! anywho! that's it for now!